i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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