I'd wear matching sweaters with you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
