so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
