Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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