I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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