I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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