you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize