the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish you could order shots online.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had sex on a roof
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
