and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize