She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize