I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
