So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
