you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
