he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize