I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
