They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
