I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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