I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
