I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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