new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
