So drunk its hurt
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
