I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
