you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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