i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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