I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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