I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
