I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
