God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
