i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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