things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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