Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize