so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
