I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
