He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
