Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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