I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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