how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
