my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
