so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize