just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
