Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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