You can't special order awesome
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize