just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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