How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the day after is always just damage control
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
