His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
