new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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