I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
