Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
