please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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