he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
