btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
