Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
