So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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