It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
