I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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