i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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