Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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