ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
