I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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