Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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