You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
