Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
