Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
